SELF PORTRAITS TEST SHOTS

With my portrait research I have explored the celebration of the female form. Both the photographers embraced the female as it was, baring all for the camera to pick up. This idea intrigued me, as I wondered how I could explore my form in front of the camera using lighting, framing and a good choice in lens.

For these tester shots I used a Nikon 50mm lens on a Nikon D90. I have a particular soft spot for this camera, as I like all the settings and how much control you have from white balance to shutter speed. I felt a 50mm lens was appropriate for this tester shoot because I wanted that shallow depth of field and intense detail on my skin. Overall I wasn't all that happy with the shoot. I felt I should have selected a better backdrop and framing. These factors I feel let the self portraits down. However, I felt the lighting ( I hasten to add is natural) I particularly love especially working with such pale skin I have. I was pleased with the lighting on my skin and how it created a slight darkness in the backdrop.

The task for the portrait was to explore identity and I feel that I am aware of my identity quite well having to face it everyday and try and find out who I am. I have on going mental health problems that also affect my body and what I do to it. I tried to display this through the next three photos.

Lines

 In the first portrait I chose to show some faded scars that have been an aftermath of some mental health issues I suffer with. Because they are faded I chose to feel positive about them healing instead of negative. The framing I personally like because of how much I chose to fill the frame and give you almost nothing else to look at but my skin and I feel a lot of empowerment through this. However the backdrop I don't like as it isn't as smooth as I wanted it. Previously I used to let these factors of my life define me, from my scars, mental health, appearance and weight. However, now I am making progress recovering I now view them as only a small factor of my identity but a still very important one nonetheless.

Untitled

For this second portrait, I am incredibly pleased with the lighting, despite it being natural and therefore out of my control I do really like the colours and dark tones. I chose a different angle on identity and explored the female form in a sexual way. Struggling a lot with self image and self worth I always felt not worthy of happiness or intimacy with someone. So exploring my struggles through this photo has been a challenge. I chose to reveal some more skin than just my thigh and the framing of the photo is carefully done so i'm not being too revealing but implying what the photos main focus is. The idea that the female form is so frowned upon for being explicitly displayed yet people wanting to view it.

Rise

In this last portrait, I wanted to explore my struggles with an eating disorder I have recovered from, but still have struggles with. With this portrait I love the shadows and highlights that touch my skin, displaying almost a glow on my stomach, but shadows where the dips of my skin and bone are. I wanted to display a very subtle message of the eating struggles, as I have struggled to gain weight all my life. But with the highlights and shadows encourage me to embrace my body instead of shaming and hurting it.

I feel I have identified myself an incredible amount through these three photos, through this self portrait project it has helped me to explore the use of lenses and framing. But, also a personal exploration of myself and learning that my form and the human form is all so different, unique and everyone has things they don't like, but to just try and embrace it and learn to love the skin you are in. Suffering with mental health for so long has made me believe that i'm not worthy of so many things, and has stopped me discovering myself. Having to face up to these self portraits and analyse them has been an incredibly empowering journey for me, I felt it may be hard to photograph myself and then analyse them with the harsh, negative view I have for myself, but the process of these self portraits has aided my self worth a great deal. I feel now, currently looking at these photos that we have to move on from our past, accept what we have been given and move on into the future to greater things.

I hope you enjoy. Thank you.